Marital Spats in the Age of Technology

I left my husband a week ago and we haven't spoken with each other since (nor have we texted or emailed or chatted or IM'd....)  How is it then, that I feel like we just had a huge fight?

We each use the "Notes" application on our phones. This application, being tied to an email address (or addresses) can also tie together every cell phone that uses a common email address for the application.  I have several email addresses that I use on my phone.  One of them is the "family" address, which Todd also uses.  I'm not sure if he is technologically savvy enough to switch back and forth between addresses depending on the content of his notes.  His notes are mostly boring old shopping lists or wish lists, but when I had all accounts showing on my Notes list, one particular title stood out:

"Why Does Bridget..."

Hmm, I thought, that didn't sound familiar.  I clicked on it, not realizing it was actually Todd's note.

It turned out to be a critique of my parenting.  "Why does Bridget allow [our son] to eat junk?" and he proceeded to make a list of all the junk the boy apparently ate on a particular day.  I don't remember the boy eating all he listed... probably because I was WORKING, and not sitting on my butt looking for fault to list in my Notes.

I started to add on to the note in reply, answering his question with a string of questions.

Why, as a parent, was he observing this and critiquing rather than participating? ...but then I remembered, since the only way he seems to know to "discipline" is in anger, maybe I shouldn't ask a question that would only invite abuse.  I thought better of it and backspaced it out.  

Take a deep breath, Bridget.  Pity him.  Pity is more appropriate than anger.  

He told our daughter that he can see that it would probably be better if he were not around us, but he doesn't want to be perceived as having deserted his family.  There's that concept again: Perception.  Once again, image is more important than honesty, or his children's ability to grow up in a safe, loving environment.  He doesn't want to look bad.

He may very well wait for me to make the first move.  Then he can play the victim.