Why the Weekend?

I'm so restless. It's a weekend and all of the kids are either off at their jobs or other activities and I am home alone with Todd. I must learn to be patient. I know this will take time to figure out and work out, but I want to make the calls that will move the wheels right now. The counseling center and legal advise clinic will have to wait. My stomach is growling, but I don't even want to take the time to eat, because I'm trying to digest all the information I can find online about the divorce process. 

Oh, how I wish there were an "Easy Button" I could just push and all the junk would be taken care of. 

In searching for this image, I found 40x40 blog (click image for link). Appropriate, I think...  not just for the emphasis on mental health and choosing a better life, but also because I know I need to get off my butt and exercise again!

But it's a process--like so much of life--and I have to trust that going through the process can make me stronger (if I make the decision and do the work to get there.)

Part of me just wants to give in to the weakness... to wait to be rescued. Not gonna happen. Curse those darn fairytales that pollute little girls' minds! Battling off the hidden residue of such early indoctrination is an on-going process. There's that word again: PROCESS.

Where does the weekend fit into that process? Hmm. Think I'll start with a walk. I have to go to the bank anyway, and should be able to leave Todd alone long enough to do that. But then I worry, because I've not yet officially been released from that 24/7 supervision decree. That was just a starting point, I think, but it's hard to determine by myself when it's okay to wean away from the constant babysitting (especially when I know how quickly his moods can shift.) 

Oh, well. Like I said, I'm detaching myself from stuff. If he decides to burn the house down while I'm out walking for a few minutes, then I guess that's just less stuff to fight over. 

I'm going to do it.

One step at a time.