There, but not really there

So, I just saw another movie with a whiney wife who complains about her husband (who obviously loves her) "not being there" enough because he's off at work trying to provide a good life for her and the kids. Of course she doesn't acknowledge that second part--the part about showing love through provision.

Am I the only one bugged by this depiction of sniveling, ungrateful females in film? Is my microcosm of life really that different from the world upon which this fiction is supposedly based?

Looking back, I can only think of one friend who has complained that her husband is gone for work too much--and she quickly followed that comment up by saying that she understood that he just wanted to to provide for his family. She only complained that the demands of acting as a single parent when he was frequently out of town on business were difficult, but she didn't doubt his love because of it. She went on to admit that when he was home, he was there for her and the kids 100%.

Thinking about this led me to take a good look at Todd. I only wish I could complain that he worked too much. But it seems he uses the "being there for his family" as an excuse to pursue business ventures that require the minimum amount of work from him (even if they don't work out and we end up constantly in stress over whether we'll be able to keep a roof over our heads another month.) The result of this leisure-allowing self-employment lifestyle is lots of time with him at home--but that doesn't really translate into lots of family time. In fact, he spends less time interacting with me and the kids than many of my friends' husbands who work more than one job. He's here alright. And I suppose if being able to look at him in his recliner watching TV and telling us to be quiet is considered interaction, then I should recant my complaint.

I'm not saying that a man who struggles to maintain gainful employment and fails in this crazy roller-coaster of an economy is unloving or less of a man. It's really more about true attitude and the actions that spring from and bear witness to his attitude. Couples struggle through bouts of unemployment, bankruptcies and foreclosures by pulling together, sacrificing together and serving each other. I don't think I'm reacting nearly as much to the circumstances of our scarcity as I am to the way Todd is handling it. He doesn't seem to be trying to get work, and he's not willing to sacrifice his leisure or recreation to help us get through this time. We're going in debt just to keep his precious cable TV going when cutting the cable would not only save us money, but also provide the time he doesn't seem to have to communicate with his family and look for work.

As backward as it may sound in this post-LEAVE IT TO BEAVER, feminist world... I really wouldn't mind fixing a good meal, prettying myself up, and greeting Todd at the door like June used to upon Ward Cleaver's return home from work in those 1950's reruns; HOWEVER, since Todd doesn't GO to work, he also doesn't COME HOME from work, so I just can't seem to figure out the logistics. Am I supposed to watch the clock and jump him at that magic hour when most men are coming home from work? All joking aside, I might feel a bit more amorous even in these times of unemployment if Todd was really here, not just "here."