One of those days when I can't put into words the immense weight of emotions...

...and a movie does it so much better.




Kate, in Last Chance Harvey, said:

"I expected you not to show -- in fact I think I actually almost wanted you not to show because its just easier that way. You -- you just dive in there -- don't you just woosh -- anywhere -- deep end -- and I'm not a bloody swimming pool, Harvey, and I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it... because it will hurt... You see, I think that what it is is, I think that I'm more comfortable with being disappointed. I think I'm angry with you for trying to take that away."

Yep, I can identify. Except for the Harvey part. There is no Harvey. No woosh. No one patient enough to try to "take that away." Just the getting comfortable with being disappointed part.


I'm not talking about romance. It's just about showing up. I loved how some of the neighbor ladies do that in the movie, Lars and the Real Girl. When Bianca is "dying," the ladies bring casseroles and come to sit with Lars, 

"That's what people do when tragedy strikes. They come over, and sit." 

So many people feel like they have to offer their two cents about what they would do if they were in my situation, but the fact is such unsolicited advice can often be so full of assumptions that it only serves to confirm my opinion that nobody really understands. (And, even worse, that they don't care enough to invest the effort to try to understand.)


You don't have to understand, if you're willing to just sit. But that is a dying art. 


I'm so lonely, but maybe I can just get used to that. I feel like withdrawing from everyone. It might be better than being misunderstood.


I don't expect anyone to show. But no matter what I say, I do wish someone would. It would be nice to simply be held and comforted. I know God is there for me, I'm not talking about that. 


I wish my mom were here with me.